Observations
by vinnie the geek
Summary: Raven's emotions are in turmoil since Malchior's betrayal of her affection. They insist that she take a closer look at a certain team mate-one they are sure can cure what ails her... RavenBeast boy.
1. The first chapter!

'_**Observations'**_

Just another day like any other at Titan's Tower, thought the dark girl.

Raven was bored.

The boys (Cyborg and Beastboy) had each other, and their games. Robin had his 'work,' as he referred to his obsessive search for clues as to the whereabouts of Slade, Brother Blood, and other assorted nasty types. Starfire was happy just being around any of the others, or if the need arose, she was capable of entertaining herself.

Raven usually read her books. If not reading, she was meditating alone, although Starfire did join her for short periods from time to time. Raven was comfortable with her routine, which was broken up often enough by a call to action, when the team mobilized to foil some evildoer's latest scheme.

Today was different, though. Raven felt restless. Meditation was not helping today. More drastic measures were in order. Her eyes fell on her mirror-the one that enabled her to communicate directly with her innermost feelings. The feelings that she worked so diligently to keep submerged, where they could do no harm to others.

She prepared herself for her journey of introspection, repeating the time-worn words she knew so well-

She ended her session after only a few minutes, her worst fears confirmed. One of her emotions, one of two she kept the tightest reign on, was clamoring for attention. Creating trouble. Threatening chaos. No, anger was in check, as she already knew. This was even worse. Love was politicking her way to a position of great significance. Ever since- Malchior, that silver-tongued deceiver had first awakened in Raven hope. The hope that she, the Halfling - an outsider even to her own people – Raven, might actually be able to experience true love. That hope, so eagerly embraced by the isolated half-demon girl had caused Love to awaken from her endless sleep. Newly awakened Love-Raven had been sorely injured by the cruel deception of Malchior; who had seduced her, only to manipulate Raven to do his bidding. Now Love sought solace in the only way she knew how. She sought a new object of affection.

Raven sighed. She should have seen it coming, should have been prepared. In what may have been the lowest point of her near-adult life - her greatest moment of weakness, he had been there to offer words of comfort. Simple, truthful words wise beyond his knowing. Gratefully, she had clung to him, surrendering to her frustration, her despair, and her utter misery.

'But we-we have nothing in common, nothing at all,' she had pleaded with Love-Raven.

'Nothing, except the shared experiences of loneliness, rejection and –most importantly, caring,' came the stern reply by Love. 'You know that he has great empathy for others- and he cares for you, especially. And like it or not, you feel that love emanating, and it calls to you. You do care for him.'

Raven bristled; 'Yes, I care for him-as I do any of my friends, but nothing more.'

'Do not think to deceive me!' Love-Raven had laughed, heartily. 'As much as you reject his advances, he comes back for more. You abuse him, and yet he cares. You have attempted to demolish his ego, yet he still yearns for your attention. You find that admirable, and flattering. You do not wish him to stop! Be truthful!'

Raven had opened her mouth to deny, but failed to speak before Love continued. 'You are afraid. Afraid that he merely views you as a conquest, a heckler he is determined to win over with his comedic overtures. But you know better! You can see it in the way he sulks when you reject him. The way his eyes plead with you to look upon him with favor. Who is always the first to come to your aid in battle? Who is first to check on your welfare when you are despondent? Even when he flirted with Terra, he did not neglect you. He was always mindful of you, even if it was just that he watched you out of the corner of his eye. Even then, he looked at you with those same caring eyes, hoping against hope to detect a hint of jealousy.'

Raven sat in thought for long moments. Love-Raven spoke truthfully. But what to do? She couldn't just waltz up to Him and bare her soul – that was an impossibility. Pride and stubbornness would not allow that.

Agonizing soul-searching hours later, she reluctantly reached a decision. One that her emotions did not approve without lodging grievous protests. It was a halfway measure at best. A compromise: she would write down her-feelings. All her thoughts and feelings concerning Him. She would build a case – in black and white – and it would be decided, for or against. No holding back, no half-truths. She would record everything she felt or experienced in full detail, truthfully. It was the best she could do. At least, that is what she had convinced herself.

Raven closed her eyes; mouth set in a hard line. Possibly the hardest thing she would ever have to do was – write a diary. She allowed herself a grim smile. _He_ would undoubtedly find her situation humorous-

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She carefully wrote on the top of the first page of the small notebook:

_**Observations concerning the object of 'Love's' desire. **_

Tuesday

He made breakfast today. I hate it, but he tried once again to make me try some. I-hadn't noticed before – he always tries to get me to eat some, even though he knows I won't. He doesn't do that to the others nearly as often…

Asked if I would like him to pick me up some more tea at the grocery. He didn't have to do that – I have plenty. I think he was trying to be-nice.

He told a joke at lunch today. Everyone found it quite amusing. It seemed that he looked at me more than the others, as if seeking my approval. I guess it wasn't _too_ lame. Not that I would ever tell him-

Movie night. The usual. Everyone had a different preference. After my suggestion, however, _he_ became noticeably less vocal, and even suggested that it might be _my_ turn, after all.

He sat next to me on the couch. I guess it was okay. He got scared, and grabbed me-. Of course, I flung him across the room. I felt slightly guilty, though. I liked it- a little- that he looked to me for comfort in his fright.

All for today. Fatiguing writing this. _Hate it_.

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Wednesday

They all wanted me to play volleyball. Not! He and Starfire came to my room to beg. Said no, included a few choice invectives. Starfire left in disappointment- he was angry. But maybe, looking in his eyes, it was more hurt than anger. _I'm sorry…_

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Thursday

Duty call. Johnny Rancid showed off some new toys. Kicked his butt. But, I saw you-know-who almost get seriously injured because he kept watching me. Of course, I shielded _him_ - no big. He insisted on fawning all over me, thanking me. Told _him_ to pay more attention, and maybe I won't have to save _his_ butt all the time. _He_ started to say 'I just want to-to make sure that-' and then turned crimson and fled. I will try not to scowl at him next time. Maybe. The Chivalrous thing. I guess that's OK. Actually, it's really kind of cute. _Did I just write 'cute?' Eeewww…_

Went to his room. Told him 'thanks for-you know' immediately turned and left. Made his day. Waay too much happiness. _Think I'm going to be sick…_

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Friday

Slept in late. He brought me up a cup of tea. Almost invited him in, but I didn't want him to think I'm going all-soft on him, after last night. The tea was perfectly prepared – how did he know? I didn't realize he was so observant. I feel funny. Need to meditate. Maybe ask the others about- _No-no way._

Talked me into going out to a party with them. Dumb party. Preppie central. Disturbingly colorful and cheery deco. Everyone asked me to dance-_once_. But _he_ asked me 16 times. I was embarrassed for myself-and for him too, I guess. I finally gave in and told him that under other circumstances I _might_ consider it, but I didn't know how.

Next thing, he drags me to the center of the stupid dance floor, smiling like an idiot. Don't know why I didn't use my powers to flee. Or something else. Instead I tried to blend in. Whatever. Almost didn't hate it. Then the music abruptly switched to a slow dance. Why did I not leave? Was contemplating how to tell _him_ that there was _so_ no way, but he put his arm around my waist, and started to guide me to the rhythm. It shocked me. It was so–not horrible. His hands were pleasantly warm, as was his smile. He was very gentle and respectful not to try anything funny with that hand on my waist. Against all my better judgment, I actually wished he would let that hand slip just a little…

_OMG! I think I am starting to like him. Stupid love._

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Sunday

Spent all of yesterday avoiding all human contact. Tried to meditate. Not helpful. Resignedly concluded must talk to 'Love-Raven.' One last try. Maybe 'Despair' might have some useful suggestions. Or 'Boo-yah.' Or 'Hate'…

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Monday

Session with emotions sucked. 'Love' is practically running the place. It would help a lot if 'Happy' and 'Vanity' weren't so freakin' giddy over this state of affairs. Even 'Bookworm' didn't mind. Even 'Hate' and 'Jealousy' were no help. They're too busy planning a coup d'état…

Found an envelope taped to my door.

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_Dear Raven,_

_I live my life only hoping_

_to see you happy_

_to see you smile_

_to hear your laughter_

_to have you look at me like I mean something_

_to hold your hand_

_to feel your warmth_

_to gently caress your beautiful hair_

_to trace the line of your neck_

_to taste the sweetness of your lips_

_to hold you_

_to comfort you when you need it_

_to offer understanding_

_to offer everything I have to give_

_to give myself_

_to have you accept me-_

_I don't pretend to understand all about you. I know better. But I know there is much more to you than your unemotional exterior. _

_I won't act like a stupid kid, and tell you I love you. I can't know that yet. But I want to find out. I want to try to be worthy of you. I want to know if you can care deeply for me, as I do for you._

_If you never want me to talk like this again, I understand. Please don't tell the others. And please don't leave me guessing. I would rather know the awful truth than be left guessing, hoping, dreaming, and praying. Please don't be angry with me for writing this-I had to know. Ever since I first saw you I wanted to tell you that I liked you, but I was afraid. It had taken so long to get up my courage to even write this._

_XOXOXO,_

Beastboy 

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Can't believe he actually wrote that. I guess there are a lot of things I don't know about _him_, either. Re-read it. Poetry? My hands are trembling…

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Tuesday

I think this will be my last entry. No point, anymore.

Went downstairs early this morning. He was there, preparing breakfast, over Cyborg's protestations. I gave him a small smile, and asked if he would make something-special-for _me_…


	2. Cute chicks & reviews!

Disclaimer: You wanted more-so I humbly offer this continuation...I want you all to know that I love you. The only reason I

write these stories is because of the pleasure they bring to you, my dear readers. This is my love-offering to you-a completely

selfless, pure act of giving...!snort!...!Muahahahahaahah!...!Giggles!...Sorry...!hee hee hee hee!... !ROFL!...

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_**Shout out time! (ooooooh!)**_

**VeelaChic:** Aw, thanks! Here you are...

**Orangespice:** You had to know I had more. Well, not really. Hey-really loved your music! How are Ginger and Sporty doing?

**Demigod:** Just '_Very well _done...?'

**Creature Merger:** 'Phthhhp!' ...**!raspberry!.**..(otherwise known as the 'Bronx Cheer')... Does that dyslexia make you irritable?

**Vernon Shook:** Thanks. But now, I am so confused... 'CM' says 'needs more detail'-you say great detail. Aghhh!

**Jambey:** Cutest ever? Crud. I'm gonna go beat on my Rainbow Monkey with my Cabbage Patch kids, while writing another love poem about Stawfiwer and Wobbie-pooh...

**RbozaZ1:** Thanks-took your advice...I think it's better now.

**Firefly:** No, you made **my** day!

**Arnold Summers: **Thanks! Another one complimenting the 'details.' Hmmm...Creature, are you reading this? ...**'Phthhhp!**'...

**Eva:** Thank you. I think it's sweet, too- No,no-I mean, you're sweet, too!

**K9 the First:** More sweetness! Sweet! Thanks.

**PinkInferno**: Thanks. I always have a nice day, with reviews like yours.

**iamhollywood**: Ooh-ooh! Can I get a job in the movies? 'Big words?' I occasionally find myself becoming overwhelmed by the excruciatingly problematical assignment of perusing works of fabrication, which-in that they incorporate, within their prolix imprecations, allegorical misdirections, which prompt the appearance of cephalalgias from the profound assiduousness they demand of the reader-and therefore, frustrated in my pursuance of uncomplicated entertainment. Oh, yes-and thank you...

**ShadeShine:** Please refer to answer above, to **iamhollywood...**

**dragoon-bane**: I don't have any good ideas, either-so I just decided to write more and call it a 'continuation.'

**DragonWriter2**: **_Where is my lighter?...!.._**.

**Rukato86:** Yes Johnny Rotten was the lead singer of the Sex Pistols. And thank you very much for catching that extremely embarrasing mistake, and pointing it out on a public forum for all to see, and amuse themselves at my apparant ignorance. (Really, just thanks.)

**warprince2000: **Patience is a virtue...but one which you and I share a lack of...Thanks, I'm writing, and neglecting doing the other things I should be doing as fast as I can...

**Gubba-Gubba**: I appreciate the sentiment, but 'heart,' used as a replacement for the word 'love,' is intolerably trite, and nauseatingly cute. Please do not 'heart' me...(unless you are rolling on the floor laughing at the implied irony...

**Raven the inuhaynu**: Pray tell, what is an inuhaynu? I really like the word 'Ciao.' Very classy...what the (...) is an inuhaynu!

**kasumi**: Aww... I get aw wawm and fuzzy heawing you tawk wike that. I too, am touched, but my therapist says that I am making good progress...

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This story is dedicated to **'Scooter,'** who apparantly liked it so much, he/she did not want to send it back to me...

(Just kidding! Ya know I love ya!)

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Hi there, **Hermes! **Yes, that is you, O. How is this for shamless huckstering-

**All of you-you must review, of I shall commit thought-crimes of incomprehensible magnitude!**

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Oh yeah-there's a story here too...

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Presenting, in it's original, poorly edited form:

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**'Observations, pt 2:'**

**or 'I love writing fluff, because cute girls write me nice reviews!'**

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Beastboy looked up in surprised shock. "Did you just say what I thought I heard you say, Raven?" he said, stars in his eyes.

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"I just was wondering if you would mind cooking some Blueberry waffles for me, if it's not a problem," Raven replied shyly.

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Beastboy thought he had died and gone to heaven. "Would I?" he trumpeted, "I would be love to-I mean, I would be

honored." He bowed gallantly- "you know I've always wanted to do anything I could to be-umm-be a good friend?"

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Raven laughed softly. "It's okay, BB, I-" she hesitated, "I know you like me."

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Beastboy froze. Between a reddening face and difficulty breathing, he felt he was ready to pass out. "You-do?" he managed

to croak.

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Raven felt herself beginning to blush also. "Yes. And you deserve to know that I feel the same way-about you." Raven

looked down.

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The other Titans, meanwhile, listening to the conversation, were caught completely off guard. They looked like curious fish;

wide-eyed blank stares and silent gaping mouths.

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The fragile tranquility of the moment was interrupted by Starfire. "Oh, friends-what a glorious way to start a morning-with

declarations of your love for one another..." The red-haired princess was literally buoyant with exhilaration.

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Raven, concentrating intensely, managed not to destroy anything, but couldn't keep the table from shaking violently.

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"Star, I wish you wouldn't always blurt out whatever is on your mind like that." Raven spoke calmly and evenly, controlling

her emotions. "My only intent is to let Beastboy know that I want to get to know him better. 'Love' is an inexact word at

best-you know I have to contain my emotions."

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Beastboy seemed to deflate at the words from Raven. "So does that mean that you never want to be anything but-friends?"

he said, his voice trailing off to a near whisper.

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Raven replied hastily- "No, that's not really-" she closed her eyes, trying to maintain

her composure. "What I mean is that we need to take things slowly-like maybe just talking a little about ourselves." She

improvised another small smile. "You know, just getting to know each other a little better, to start with."

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Everyone in the room let out a collective sigh. Starfire, especially was pleased that although Raven had disavowed love, she

had clearly stated genuine feelings of affection. Clearly for Raven, anyway... .

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Beastboy, at least, was relieved that Starfire had confined her approval of Raven's words to a gesture: clasping her hands in

front of herself, and smiling beatifically. Starfire was, on occasion, more sensible than he gave her credit for.

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"That sounds-nice, Rae." Beastboy turned back to the stove. "I'll have those waffles for you in a jiff."

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Breakfast was over, the kitchen was clean. Beastboy walked on air over to where Raven was reading.

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"Hi, Raven. I don't wanna disturb you..."

"You're not," Raven replied gently.

"Um, if you're not, um, doing anything later-maybe we could get a pizza, or something?"

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Beastboy was still just a bit unsure of himself-was he dreaming, or was he really asking Raven for a 'date?'

Raven was thoughtful, deliberating before replying. "I've got a better idea-how about we just go somewhere quiet, right

now?"

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This time, Beastboy did avail himself of the opportunity to pass out...

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Raven helped him up. "You know, I really hope I don't regret saying this-" she rolled her eyes skyward "-but sometimes you

really do make me want to laugh. I'm just afraid to show it, because-well, you know... I didn't mean to shock you, I was just

going to suggest we hang out at the park for awhile-and talk, that's all."

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Beastboy did his best to feign bravery. "Oh yeah, I wasn't scared, or anything-I've just been feeling a little cold coming on, or

something-heh, heh." He hooked one hand behind his neck; a nervous pose he had picked up from Cyborg.

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Jump City's central park was truly paradise in April. The lake was clear and cold, dotted with many aquatic birds. The grass

was lush and green, and tall Oaks and Elms provided shade in the midst of small copses, which also gave cover to young

lovers... .

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It took Beastboy a while to get accustomed to the idea that he could really speak his mind to Raven, sharing his thoughts-his

hopes and dreams.

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"You know, BB, you don't always have to be the 'funny guy'-I know that you hide your pain by trying to make everyone else

laugh." Raven's eyes revealed the depth of her concern. "You can trust me, Beastboy, you know that."

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"I do Raven, it's not you-I-I've never really had a girlfriend, or even a guy-friend that I felt close enough to..."

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"Beastboy?" Raven interrupted. She pulled the changeling to her, and laid his head on her chest, hugging him tightly. "You

and I are more alike than you know. I feel exactly the same-but I can't even laugh to cover up." She placed a kiss on

Beastboy's head. "I don't know what the future holds for us, but I think that maybe, together, we can both learn to become

more comfortable with ourselves."

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Beastboy looked up into Raven's dark eyes. "I do trust you Raven. I just hope you won't think less of me when I tell you

about my life-and some of the things I have done that I'm not proud of."

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"That's okay, BB-you know I still have trouble with control." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "we'll have plenty of time to

open up gradually." A hint of doubt crept across her face. "Can you be patient with me?"

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Beastboy smiled. "Ever since I first met you...you know I'd do anything for you, Rae."

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Raven closed her eyes, and cautiously sought his lips with hers. It was only a short little kiss, but it conveyed a depth of

emotion that sealed their commitment to one another.

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(Insert your choice of phrases intended to coerce you into reviewing.)

Vin


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